A Heart of Glass

I’ve been feeling like it is time to make a fresh start…things seem to have veered off track from where they were a year ago.  A year ago I was pumped and motivated to run, to eat better, to be more physically active and continue to improve myself and my family.  But lately, I have felt a bit lost, like I was watching my life go by, but unable to actively participate in it.  It’s seemed like I knew something wasn’t quite right, but I couldn’t figure out what to do to fix it.

Having a miscarriage is something that affects you in stages.  I’m usually the type of person that can get over difficulties quickly and still remain positive, but I had a really hard time.  As soon as I seemed to be okay, something else would come up and a new set of feelings would come through.  At the time, I didn’t think I was having any problems, but my body knew better.  After the miscarriage, I started to get heart palpitations.  At first, I would only get them after drinking too many cups of coffee, or when I was having a bad day with Logan.  I would feel a flutter, then back to a normal heartbeat.  But this past month, it had been much worse.  It got to a point where every time I would bend over, or after eating I would have irregular heartbeats for an hour or more.  After doing some research, I found out that our heartbeat is controlled by electrical impulses in our body.  When some chemical (whether its caffeine, or caused by anxiety) interrupts that impulse is when you will feel the fluttering sensation. I also found out that a major cause of heart palpitations is anxiety, but I had a hard time believing that was part of my problem.  (Who me? I’m not anxious about anything!  I’m as happy as can be!)  The only person I was kidding was myself.  I realized all the things I had been telling myself were making me sick, (Maybe Logan will be our only child, maybe this month will be the month, I read an article that says women are extremely fertile the first three months after a miscarriage, so it’s gotta happen soon…oh crap, I guess not this month!)  Again and again, I was just allowing myself to fester on these negative thoughts, and putting so much pressure on myself to fix everything.  It took my heart literally pounding away in my chest to force myself to relax and reexamine my priorities again.  I quit drinking coffee, started eating smaller, healthier meals, and the palpitations calmed down.  After talking with Rob and telling him all the craziness that was going on in my head, we decided to take a break from all this baby-making business.  After all, we are still young, there is no reason to rush and put pressure on ourselves.  If our family is going to grow, I’m sure it will eventually happen.  After that conversation, it felt like a crater was lifted off my shoulders, and I haven’t had a palpitation since.  

Now that I had all this mental energy freed up, I reevaluated what I need to do, and what my goals still are.  So, here we go:

I will begin and complete the C25K program (again)

On March 24th, 2012, I will run and complete the Beach Bum 5K race.  (woo hoo! 5K on the beach!)

I will eat healthier, smaller meals

No sugar (Certainly made easier by nixing the two cups of coffee every day)

I will do something physically active with Logan every day

I will encourage and support my husband with his fitness goals, mainly by not allowing any more crappy, processed, sugary food to come into our house, and giving him a hard time when he chooses to eat that stuff.  (just a lil’ bit of a hard time)

TV goes off after two hours…period!

I will update this blog more frequently (come on, every two months… that’s pathetic!  All part of being accountable)


So, started week one, day one of C25K yesterday, and while it was a lot (A LOT) easier than the last time, (if you need a reminder about the H-E-double-hockey-stick it was last time for me :https://mamaslosingit.wordpress.com/2010/05/07/born-to-run/) I still was pretty winded after the 20 minutes were up.  But then I woke up this morning with the stiffness and mild pain of someone who RAN (I’d forgotten how good that feels!) and now I can’t wait to do it again tomorrow.  

For those who want to know what the heck C25K is, check it out: http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml

Will include pics in next blog post…till then!


3 thoughts on “A Heart of Glass

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